Have you ever seen "Bridget Jones:The Edge of Reason"?
If not, you're missing out. I love this movie. Bridget Jones, played by Renee Zellweger, is a real woman. She's sometimes a misled woman who is completely out of her league with her new boyfriend, Mark Darcy is a lawyer who is in a different class. He's stiff and not at all like her. They make a cute couple.
Honestly, sometimes I feel like Bridget Jones. I feel like the American version of her. I wish had such an awesome accent. I'd love to live in London too. I'm actually hoping one day to move there. Anyway, she's complicated, a little pudgy and completely out of her league. One of my favorite parts is when she is getting out of bed, she wears a sheet. He asks her what she's doing and she tells him she doesn't want him to see her wobbly bits. He then tells her he loves her wobbly bits. So she immediately gains confidence. Super cute. I love that part. The whole movie is filled with her making simple mistakes, and funny things that happen to her. Like her lying about being able to ski, and she gets stuck on the ski lift. Her messing up her makeup to go into a room full of people who her boyfriend works with. Hilarious. I love her attitude. It's classic me.
I always feel like that I'm out of my league. I feel out of place, I feel confused sometimes on where I belong. I understand how it feels. I'm always going to be different. I'm always going to be that girl. I'm always going to be Bridget Jones. I have been in a lot of the same situations as she was. I've been in that relationship she was in. I forced it into what I wanted it to be instead of what it was. I'm good at doing that. Forcing issues, forcing relationships.
I've recently been cleaning out the basement. I found a lot of things from my wedding. It makes me nostalgic for those times, when we were happy. Oh, don't get me wrong, I don't miss him at all. It was the best thing that ever happened to me, a giant burden was lifted when we separated. I just remember the feeling she has in the movie. I wanted to get married. I thought it was all that mattered in the relationship. I wish I would have made it a little less important and focused on myself a little more. This reason, is exactly why I haven't entered into a serious relationship. I'm positive that I'm not happy with me, and if I'm not happy with me, I definitely can't be happy with someone else.
It took me a very long time to come to this realization. As soon as we were separated, I thought I needed someone else in my life. I didn't think I could be alone and be me. I went through a lot of issues, depression, a lot of crying. I know it's sad, and I hate that I wasted that much time on that person. I do hate that I wasted time, but I have not 1 regret. If I hadn't experienced what I did, then I wouldn't be who I am. I've been the Bridget Jones who wears a comforter, checking messages, eating ice cream and crying. I've been that sad pathetic girl. After that, I refused to be that girl anymore.
Just like now in my life. I've decided that I'm not that girl anymore who eats whatever she wants. The only person I'm hurting is myself. I can decide what path I take.
I'm very thankful that I haven't been arrested like she was. That's one thing I'll pass on. Especially in a Thailand jail.
We're all Bridget Jones in some way. We just need to find our confidence.
Phat Fat Chick
Saturday, May 31, 2014
Friday, May 30, 2014
Mirror, Mirror...I hate my evil twin
Mirror, Mirror on the wall, why do you make me look so fat?
Have you ever stood in front of a mirror, fully clothed or otherwise and wondered why the mirror added so many pounds that you didn't have five minutes ago?
Seriously. In my house there is a mirror that is sometimes my best friend and I feel like I'm Snow White and sometimes, I feel like the evil queen. It's like it chooses certain days to make me look fatter. It's a trick mirror. It's about 3 ft wide and 4 ft tall. It sits right at the end of the hallway, so I pass it a hundred times a day. I think it waits for me to be in a bad mood and make me look fatter just to irritate me. And when I'm in a good mood, it makes me feel pretty to make my day go that much better. I've seen some evil trick mirrors like this one before. Playing mind games to throw me off, to make sure I don't have too much confidence in my appearance. Sometimes I look at myself when I'm working out, and I think it's playing with me too. Sometimes it's polite and waves, and sometimes it's got this awful deceiving grin, like, "Hey girl, you look so awful doing that dance there. Stop, you're embarrassing me" Sometimes I find myself strategically planning my place to be sure that the evil mirror doesn't see me. The whole front wall and side wall is covered, so of course it can see me. So how do you deal with these trick mirrors? Take them down? Hide? Never look at yourself?
I've tried all of that. I still hide. As I just told you. It's not even a conscious decision to do so, I just do it, to protect myself. Like when I get out of the shower, there's three mirrors staring at me. It freaks me out. It's a completely different person standing there staring at me, judging my appearance. I have to cover up before brushing my hair because I feel those degrading eyes. I feel those looks, I feel the hatred. I feel it all coming to a boil and I don't want to hear it.
I used to think it was easily changed, write a note on the mirror to that nasty girl who makes comments about me, tell her where she can stick it. I thought I could just stand up to her. I thought I could say, "Hey, You go pick on someone else, I'm not having it." She's harder to get rid of than you think. She's always there. Staring and judging. You can go to any mirror and she's always there. The evil twin. She makes me into a mirror pariah. She shuns me, she is always in a state of disgust.
I've tried covering her up. Closing my eyes, hoping she won't ask me why I can't look at her. I try to turn away from her, but it's like a train wreck. You want to stop looking, but you just can turn your eyes away. I think she waits like a cat, waiting to pounce. I wish she was easier to sway. I wish she was easier to bring her to the light. I wish she would stop criticizing me. I wish I would stop criticizing me. I wish I would stop with the dirty looks at my self. There is no trick to a mirror, only a mind trick to the person who is using it.
My mind is constantly going. It's hard to turn off. I always have ideas and things on my mind. When I walk up to a mirror, I immediately find everything that's wrong with my face, hair and whatever I can see in that mirror. Why is my hair so brown? Why is my face so fat? Why is my hair not straight? Why am I so ugly?
It's sad. It's sad that I know I'm not the only one with this evil twin. I wish I could make every girl in the world tackle and beat the crap out of her evil twin and stand up with confidence and know that she is beautiful. We are beautiful, no matter what. It's just never that easy to tell ourselves that and a lot of times, not easy to tell another woman that. We walk in front of a mirror and see everything that we feel is wrong with us, and to make our own egos float again, sometimes we tear down another woman, who did the same thing 10 minutes ago. It's a vicious circle. If we're not doing it to each other, men are doing it to us. Someone is doing it to us or we're doing it to someone else.
I just read an article about the Victoria Secret's swimsuit catalog. It talked about the amazing bodies these women in there have and how awful the bathing suits looked on them. The bathing suits are made to be small. They're made to show more than women probably should show. Honestly, if you're comfortable showing it off, show it off. More power to you. I wish I had that confidence. I wish I could let people take pictures of me and not be so Amish. Yea. I said Amish. I hate having pictures of myself, and I've thought about making a sign to hold up that says "NO Pictures please". Those women in that catalog, worked very hard to be where they are. People think modeling is easy, and it's all fun, but those girls are picked on like 100 times worse than a normal woman. Their modeling agencies usually have a weight clause, pregnancy clause and other crazy things they are not allowed to do. And if they are too fat, they don't get paid. It's a tough world for those skinny heifers. I know I just called them skinny cows. Ha. Maybe they eat a lot of skinny cow ice cream. Which is pretty good, by the way. Back to that article, the woman was a mom. And obviously struggling with post baby weight and was intimidated by these women. I'm intimidated by them. The world perceives women as what they should be not as what they are, but that's another post in itself. I'm intimidated by them, but I think it's awesome they can have barely any clothes on, and feel proud. I wish that evil twin would let me do that sometimes. I'm betting some of those girls have an evil twin too. The next time you look in a mirror, think about that evil twin and tell her to shove it. I'm about to get ready for bed, and I think I'll have a stern talking to her tonight. At least until the morning, then she'll peer her evil judging eyes back at me.
Phat Fat Chick...
Have you ever stood in front of a mirror, fully clothed or otherwise and wondered why the mirror added so many pounds that you didn't have five minutes ago?
Seriously. In my house there is a mirror that is sometimes my best friend and I feel like I'm Snow White and sometimes, I feel like the evil queen. It's like it chooses certain days to make me look fatter. It's a trick mirror. It's about 3 ft wide and 4 ft tall. It sits right at the end of the hallway, so I pass it a hundred times a day. I think it waits for me to be in a bad mood and make me look fatter just to irritate me. And when I'm in a good mood, it makes me feel pretty to make my day go that much better. I've seen some evil trick mirrors like this one before. Playing mind games to throw me off, to make sure I don't have too much confidence in my appearance. Sometimes I look at myself when I'm working out, and I think it's playing with me too. Sometimes it's polite and waves, and sometimes it's got this awful deceiving grin, like, "Hey girl, you look so awful doing that dance there. Stop, you're embarrassing me" Sometimes I find myself strategically planning my place to be sure that the evil mirror doesn't see me. The whole front wall and side wall is covered, so of course it can see me. So how do you deal with these trick mirrors? Take them down? Hide? Never look at yourself?
I've tried all of that. I still hide. As I just told you. It's not even a conscious decision to do so, I just do it, to protect myself. Like when I get out of the shower, there's three mirrors staring at me. It freaks me out. It's a completely different person standing there staring at me, judging my appearance. I have to cover up before brushing my hair because I feel those degrading eyes. I feel those looks, I feel the hatred. I feel it all coming to a boil and I don't want to hear it.
I used to think it was easily changed, write a note on the mirror to that nasty girl who makes comments about me, tell her where she can stick it. I thought I could just stand up to her. I thought I could say, "Hey, You go pick on someone else, I'm not having it." She's harder to get rid of than you think. She's always there. Staring and judging. You can go to any mirror and she's always there. The evil twin. She makes me into a mirror pariah. She shuns me, she is always in a state of disgust.
I've tried covering her up. Closing my eyes, hoping she won't ask me why I can't look at her. I try to turn away from her, but it's like a train wreck. You want to stop looking, but you just can turn your eyes away. I think she waits like a cat, waiting to pounce. I wish she was easier to sway. I wish she was easier to bring her to the light. I wish she would stop criticizing me. I wish I would stop criticizing me. I wish I would stop with the dirty looks at my self. There is no trick to a mirror, only a mind trick to the person who is using it.
My mind is constantly going. It's hard to turn off. I always have ideas and things on my mind. When I walk up to a mirror, I immediately find everything that's wrong with my face, hair and whatever I can see in that mirror. Why is my hair so brown? Why is my face so fat? Why is my hair not straight? Why am I so ugly?
It's sad. It's sad that I know I'm not the only one with this evil twin. I wish I could make every girl in the world tackle and beat the crap out of her evil twin and stand up with confidence and know that she is beautiful. We are beautiful, no matter what. It's just never that easy to tell ourselves that and a lot of times, not easy to tell another woman that. We walk in front of a mirror and see everything that we feel is wrong with us, and to make our own egos float again, sometimes we tear down another woman, who did the same thing 10 minutes ago. It's a vicious circle. If we're not doing it to each other, men are doing it to us. Someone is doing it to us or we're doing it to someone else.
I just read an article about the Victoria Secret's swimsuit catalog. It talked about the amazing bodies these women in there have and how awful the bathing suits looked on them. The bathing suits are made to be small. They're made to show more than women probably should show. Honestly, if you're comfortable showing it off, show it off. More power to you. I wish I had that confidence. I wish I could let people take pictures of me and not be so Amish. Yea. I said Amish. I hate having pictures of myself, and I've thought about making a sign to hold up that says "NO Pictures please". Those women in that catalog, worked very hard to be where they are. People think modeling is easy, and it's all fun, but those girls are picked on like 100 times worse than a normal woman. Their modeling agencies usually have a weight clause, pregnancy clause and other crazy things they are not allowed to do. And if they are too fat, they don't get paid. It's a tough world for those skinny heifers. I know I just called them skinny cows. Ha. Maybe they eat a lot of skinny cow ice cream. Which is pretty good, by the way. Back to that article, the woman was a mom. And obviously struggling with post baby weight and was intimidated by these women. I'm intimidated by them. The world perceives women as what they should be not as what they are, but that's another post in itself. I'm intimidated by them, but I think it's awesome they can have barely any clothes on, and feel proud. I wish that evil twin would let me do that sometimes. I'm betting some of those girls have an evil twin too. The next time you look in a mirror, think about that evil twin and tell her to shove it. I'm about to get ready for bed, and I think I'll have a stern talking to her tonight. At least until the morning, then she'll peer her evil judging eyes back at me.
Phat Fat Chick...
Wednesday, May 28, 2014
I love my best friend & first place memories...
If you're my Facebook friend, you may have seen the unfortunate event that happened to me at Angels of Assisi on Saturday. I'm still a little devastated from the outcome of that event and I really wish things would have worked out. I know I need to get on track to weight loss, and I promise I will, but I needed to say something first.
I love my best friend, Valentine. I have been lucky enough to have her in my life for the past 5 almost 6 years, and I wouldn't trade a single day. Saturday, I was hot, irritated at the situation, and I said things to her when we got in the car about how she was a bad dog. She's not and I regret it. I was just so upset and I took it out on her when I should have taken it out on the lady who caused part of the problem and myself for being so silly. This dog is a lot of my life. I do a lot to please her and make sure she is happy. She's my child. I get upset when someone talks about her and I don't like it when people don't like her. I think everyone should like. She's adorable. Duh! So I need to apologize to the best, sweetest girl. Even though she can't read my blog, her doggie computer is on the fritz, I just had to put that out there.
Back to regularly scheduled writing:
Some of you don't know me really well. So I thought I'd share some of my previous weight loss success stories and my future plans...
When I was about 12, I was a big girl for my age. As I've said, I've always been big. I walked about 3 miles a day and lost a ton of weight. I was the fittest I've ever been. I could blame my mom and dad for making me gain weight, but I was 12, I wanted junk food. SO of course I gained all of my weight back, and then some.
When I was getting ready to head to Liberty when I was 21, I actually lost 60 pounds. I was doing great. I started going to a group at my church called First Place. It was a bible study group and we had weight loss along with it. I honestly miss those ladies sometime so much. I see them at church now, and I really regret the church wasn't able to keep the group going. I loved the fellowship, bible study and just them in general. I'm a group person. I love to be in group settings. I love to talk in groups, some people would say that is not true, if you've ever talked to me in some groups, I just have to feel comfortable and unjudged. Sometimes that's a hard thing to do and I'm getting better at coping.
When I was about 26, I found another church group, that was doing Bod 4 God. Great book and I'm friends with the author on Facebook, who is a great man, and very inspirational pastor. He's got great information on his page about his book and I'd be happy to let anyone read my copy. I lost about 30 pounds.
The point of this post, I do weight loss in a group setting a lot better than I do in a single only me setting. I've tried to get my dad on track with me and he just gets tired of it after a while and it makes me derail with him. Honestly, I know weight watchers works for some, but I'm not paying $12-$15 a week for someone to talk to me about how to lose weight. I've done enough research, I know what foods to eat and I know how to do it, I just need the support of a group to do it. It makes it easier for my mind frame.
Why does a group weight loss setting help me? Honestly, it's about embarrassment. I don't want to be that one that doesn't lose weight when everyone else does. I never wanted to be the one that had to say she gained weight. It shakes me to my core. I remember before starting First Place the first bible study group, I'd go to McDonalds during my lunch, get two double cheeseburgers, large french fries and a large sweet tea. I know it's sad. I know it's awful and stereotypical of a fat person. I couldn't help it. I stress eat. I eat when I'm happy. I eat when I'm sad. I eat when I feel anything. It's my natural reaction to food. I love it. I love McDonalds, I still do. I love sweet tea. It's addicting for me. I know it's pathetic. I know I shouldn't go there. I know. It doesn't helping knowing and not knowing how to stop it. I can detox all I want, I can cleanse, but it's in me to want those things. In a group setting, fear sets in. I can shut those cravings off. I have the willpower and groups bring it out in me. I'm super duper competitive. I hate losing. Ask my nephews. Aunt Manta can sometimes be a little crazy at basketball games or any sporting event usually. I love winning. I love being that person that everyone envies because she lost 10 pounds. Or just because I lost weight period. I love the gratification of other people telling you how awesome you are because you've gotten one step closer to your goal.
I loved the way the leader of First Place set it up. It was a good motivator. We all had cards that we had filled out with our information. Each week, we all got new motivational partners. We were supposed to email them or call them and talk to that person, find out if they're struggling or if they just needed someone to talk to. It worked well for me. I had some great friends come out of that situation. I think it was awesome. I loved having someone ask me about my week. It's similar to having a sponsor for alcoholics. I mean, that person is who you're supposed to call if you wanted to eat a donut and you've already had 3. Or just because you needed someone to talk you out of driving to McDonalds for a 5 happy meal dinner. I think it works. I think it helps. I believe that those women holding you accountable is a great way to keep you on track. It's a great way to connect to. You didn't have to talk about food, you could just talk about your week. We had to track our food on sheets of paper and you could just ask how they're tracking was. It was a great feeling.
I remember the first time I stepped on the scale at First Place. When I saw that number come up, I wanted to cry. It's the reason I haven't stepped on a scale recently. I'm afraid I'll cry and it's not even about weight necessarily for me. I want to be fit, toned and skinnier, but my weight is necessarily relevant to that. I remember thinking "Amanda, you're a monster. You could totally squish a person right now with your body weight". I was right. I did something about it then and I will do something about it now.
I've looked online trying to find another group and the closest one is in Fincastle. That's not acceptable for me. SO I'm in the process of trying to find a meeting place to hold a weight loss group. It won't be super formal, it'll be a weigh-in every week thing, and it'll be self tracked in a notebook that will be held with me. I'm not going to read your weight, I've got my own issues to worry about, but it will be filled with advice, and filled with helpful hints. I know of some great nutritionists that would love to come speak and help us. So hang in there, I'm working on it. I just need to work out the complete details. It'll happen though, if I have to do it here at my house. We're doing it! So pay attention, news coming soon!
Phat Fat Chick
I love my best friend, Valentine. I have been lucky enough to have her in my life for the past 5 almost 6 years, and I wouldn't trade a single day. Saturday, I was hot, irritated at the situation, and I said things to her when we got in the car about how she was a bad dog. She's not and I regret it. I was just so upset and I took it out on her when I should have taken it out on the lady who caused part of the problem and myself for being so silly. This dog is a lot of my life. I do a lot to please her and make sure she is happy. She's my child. I get upset when someone talks about her and I don't like it when people don't like her. I think everyone should like. She's adorable. Duh! So I need to apologize to the best, sweetest girl. Even though she can't read my blog, her doggie computer is on the fritz, I just had to put that out there.
Back to regularly scheduled writing:
Some of you don't know me really well. So I thought I'd share some of my previous weight loss success stories and my future plans...
When I was about 12, I was a big girl for my age. As I've said, I've always been big. I walked about 3 miles a day and lost a ton of weight. I was the fittest I've ever been. I could blame my mom and dad for making me gain weight, but I was 12, I wanted junk food. SO of course I gained all of my weight back, and then some.
When I was getting ready to head to Liberty when I was 21, I actually lost 60 pounds. I was doing great. I started going to a group at my church called First Place. It was a bible study group and we had weight loss along with it. I honestly miss those ladies sometime so much. I see them at church now, and I really regret the church wasn't able to keep the group going. I loved the fellowship, bible study and just them in general. I'm a group person. I love to be in group settings. I love to talk in groups, some people would say that is not true, if you've ever talked to me in some groups, I just have to feel comfortable and unjudged. Sometimes that's a hard thing to do and I'm getting better at coping.
When I was about 26, I found another church group, that was doing Bod 4 God. Great book and I'm friends with the author on Facebook, who is a great man, and very inspirational pastor. He's got great information on his page about his book and I'd be happy to let anyone read my copy. I lost about 30 pounds.
The point of this post, I do weight loss in a group setting a lot better than I do in a single only me setting. I've tried to get my dad on track with me and he just gets tired of it after a while and it makes me derail with him. Honestly, I know weight watchers works for some, but I'm not paying $12-$15 a week for someone to talk to me about how to lose weight. I've done enough research, I know what foods to eat and I know how to do it, I just need the support of a group to do it. It makes it easier for my mind frame.
Why does a group weight loss setting help me? Honestly, it's about embarrassment. I don't want to be that one that doesn't lose weight when everyone else does. I never wanted to be the one that had to say she gained weight. It shakes me to my core. I remember before starting First Place the first bible study group, I'd go to McDonalds during my lunch, get two double cheeseburgers, large french fries and a large sweet tea. I know it's sad. I know it's awful and stereotypical of a fat person. I couldn't help it. I stress eat. I eat when I'm happy. I eat when I'm sad. I eat when I feel anything. It's my natural reaction to food. I love it. I love McDonalds, I still do. I love sweet tea. It's addicting for me. I know it's pathetic. I know I shouldn't go there. I know. It doesn't helping knowing and not knowing how to stop it. I can detox all I want, I can cleanse, but it's in me to want those things. In a group setting, fear sets in. I can shut those cravings off. I have the willpower and groups bring it out in me. I'm super duper competitive. I hate losing. Ask my nephews. Aunt Manta can sometimes be a little crazy at basketball games or any sporting event usually. I love winning. I love being that person that everyone envies because she lost 10 pounds. Or just because I lost weight period. I love the gratification of other people telling you how awesome you are because you've gotten one step closer to your goal.
I loved the way the leader of First Place set it up. It was a good motivator. We all had cards that we had filled out with our information. Each week, we all got new motivational partners. We were supposed to email them or call them and talk to that person, find out if they're struggling or if they just needed someone to talk to. It worked well for me. I had some great friends come out of that situation. I think it was awesome. I loved having someone ask me about my week. It's similar to having a sponsor for alcoholics. I mean, that person is who you're supposed to call if you wanted to eat a donut and you've already had 3. Or just because you needed someone to talk you out of driving to McDonalds for a 5 happy meal dinner. I think it works. I think it helps. I believe that those women holding you accountable is a great way to keep you on track. It's a great way to connect to. You didn't have to talk about food, you could just talk about your week. We had to track our food on sheets of paper and you could just ask how they're tracking was. It was a great feeling.
I remember the first time I stepped on the scale at First Place. When I saw that number come up, I wanted to cry. It's the reason I haven't stepped on a scale recently. I'm afraid I'll cry and it's not even about weight necessarily for me. I want to be fit, toned and skinnier, but my weight is necessarily relevant to that. I remember thinking "Amanda, you're a monster. You could totally squish a person right now with your body weight". I was right. I did something about it then and I will do something about it now.
I've looked online trying to find another group and the closest one is in Fincastle. That's not acceptable for me. SO I'm in the process of trying to find a meeting place to hold a weight loss group. It won't be super formal, it'll be a weigh-in every week thing, and it'll be self tracked in a notebook that will be held with me. I'm not going to read your weight, I've got my own issues to worry about, but it will be filled with advice, and filled with helpful hints. I know of some great nutritionists that would love to come speak and help us. So hang in there, I'm working on it. I just need to work out the complete details. It'll happen though, if I have to do it here at my house. We're doing it! So pay attention, news coming soon!
Phat Fat Chick
Tuesday, May 27, 2014
The Commodores have no idea what a real woman is...
Sorry it's been a few days since I've written. The holiday came up on me and I got so busy. I'm sorry if you've missed me. I'll try not to miss so many days again! ;-)
My mom loves the song Brickhouse. Who doesn't? It's a super catchy song and I never really listened to the lyrics until tonight. I knew the song was about a girl with a killer body, that's just common sense...I just never inspected the lyrics, and processed what it meant.
Here are the lyrics incase you don't know them:
I like the lyrics. All up until he says her measurements. 36-24-36, the perfect woman. I'd love to be that size. I never will be. My body is bountifully blessed in certain areas that my personal frame wouldn't handle these measurements. Does this mean I'm not a brickhouse?? Uh no.
I'm a brickhouse in my own right. No, none of the lyrics in the song apply to me. I suppose I am mighty, mighty like a mighty kids meal at Mcdonald's. Full of fun, a little pricey and more to love than a normal happy meal. I am killer at other things though. I haven't had a song written about me though, maybe someday in the future that could happen. I need to make that happen. I know, back on track. I am a super artsy person. Honestly, I've never done many art things I wasn't really good at. I know a little bragging, but that never hurt anyone. I love drawing, painting, sewing, crocheting, knitting, spinning, and I can just keep going on and on. I'm a great talker. I'm a brickhouse at that. I'm good at different things, I'm just not a perfect brickhouse body....yet. (Or at least close to my personal brickhouse body goal)
I am definitely proud of who I am. I have done a lot in my life. I've been married & divorced. I've been all over the world. I've met amazing people and I'm still meeting them everyday. I remember in the movie Pride and Prejudice they talk about an accomplished woman. I feel I'm accomplished. I'm happy with where I am at this point. Weight wise, no, I'm not. I looked at myself in a picture yesterday, and it makes me sad. I know, no pity parties. I didn't throw myself a pity party, it made me work that much harder today in dance class. I wasn't feeling the greatest this morning, I had swimmer's ear, I had a horrible headache, but every time I wanted to give up and go sit in the lobby for a few minutes, I kept trucking on. I know I need to keep pushing through. I was miserable this morning when I woke up. I missed a few days last week with the holiday, working on organizing my craft room(that's a job in itself), so I knew today, I definitely needed to get there. SO I went, fought through the pain. I love the idea of being able to go even when I'm sick. After I was done, my swimmer's ear had stopped bothering me, the medicine finally worked, and I still had a headache, but I felt amazing.
So I'm one step closer to my goal. I'm one step closer to overcoming those feelings when I don't want to get up and go workout, because I love every minute of the hour. For those who are fighting the same issues I am, while I'm still working on losing weight, I found some amazing clothing designers for plus size women's clothes.
First: And maybe my next post, I'll rant about the sizing chart she uses. It's definitely a little disturbing for me. It's cheap for a great dress too!
http://www.ashleynelltipton.com/
Second:
http://www.swakdesigns.com (Cami pictured is from them)
Super cute clothes from both of these designers!
Phat Fat Chick
Read more at http://www.songlyrics.com/the-commodores/brick-house-lyrics/#mTaB3QKAOSwKC58R.99
Read more at http://www.songlyrics.com/the-commodores/brick-house-lyrics/#mTaB3QKAOSwKC58R.99
Read more at http://www.songlyrics.com/the-commodores/brick-house-lyrics/#mTaB3QKAOSwKC58R.99
Read more at http://www.songlyrics.com/the-commodores/brick-house-lyrics/#mTaB3QKAOSwKC58R.99
My mom loves the song Brickhouse. Who doesn't? It's a super catchy song and I never really listened to the lyrics until tonight. I knew the song was about a girl with a killer body, that's just common sense...I just never inspected the lyrics, and processed what it meant.
Here are the lyrics incase you don't know them:
She's a brick house, she's mighty mighty
And just lettin' it all hang out and she's a brick house
And like lady's stacked and that's the fact
Ain't holding nothing back, she's a brick house
We're here together everybody knows
This is how the story goes
And just lettin' it all hang out and she's a brick house
And like lady's stacked and that's the fact
Ain't holding nothing back, she's a brick house
We're here together everybody knows
This is how the story goes
She knows she's got everything
That a woman needs to get a man
How can she lose with the sex she use
36-24-36, what a winning hand
That a woman needs to get a man
How can she lose with the sex she use
36-24-36, what a winning hand
She's a brick house, she's mighty mighty
And she's lettin' it all hang out and she's a brick house
And like lady's stacked and that's the fact
Ain't holding nothing back she's a brick house
Yeah she's the one, the only one built like an Amazon
And she's lettin' it all hang out and she's a brick house
And like lady's stacked and that's the fact
Ain't holding nothing back she's a brick house
Yeah she's the one, the only one built like an Amazon
The clothes she wears, her sexy ways
Make a old man wish for younger days
She knows she's built and knows how to please
Sure enough to knock a strong man to his knees
Make a old man wish for younger days
She knows she's built and knows how to please
Sure enough to knock a strong man to his knees
'Cause she's a brick house yeah she's mighty mighty
Just lettin' it all hang out a brick house
And like lady's stacked and that's the fact
Ain't holding nothing back
Just lettin' it all hang out a brick house
And like lady's stacked and that's the fact
Ain't holding nothing back
Brick house yeah she's mighty mighty
And just lettin' it all hang out
Brick house yeah she's the one the only one
Built like a Amazon yeah
And just lettin' it all hang out
Brick house yeah she's the one the only one
Built like a Amazon yeah
Shake it down, shake it down, shake it down
Oh well brick house
Oh well brick house
I like the lyrics. All up until he says her measurements. 36-24-36, the perfect woman. I'd love to be that size. I never will be. My body is bountifully blessed in certain areas that my personal frame wouldn't handle these measurements. Does this mean I'm not a brickhouse?? Uh no.
I'm a brickhouse in my own right. No, none of the lyrics in the song apply to me. I suppose I am mighty, mighty like a mighty kids meal at Mcdonald's. Full of fun, a little pricey and more to love than a normal happy meal. I am killer at other things though. I haven't had a song written about me though, maybe someday in the future that could happen. I need to make that happen. I know, back on track. I am a super artsy person. Honestly, I've never done many art things I wasn't really good at. I know a little bragging, but that never hurt anyone. I love drawing, painting, sewing, crocheting, knitting, spinning, and I can just keep going on and on. I'm a great talker. I'm a brickhouse at that. I'm good at different things, I'm just not a perfect brickhouse body....yet. (Or at least close to my personal brickhouse body goal)
I am definitely proud of who I am. I have done a lot in my life. I've been married & divorced. I've been all over the world. I've met amazing people and I'm still meeting them everyday. I remember in the movie Pride and Prejudice they talk about an accomplished woman. I feel I'm accomplished. I'm happy with where I am at this point. Weight wise, no, I'm not. I looked at myself in a picture yesterday, and it makes me sad. I know, no pity parties. I didn't throw myself a pity party, it made me work that much harder today in dance class. I wasn't feeling the greatest this morning, I had swimmer's ear, I had a horrible headache, but every time I wanted to give up and go sit in the lobby for a few minutes, I kept trucking on. I know I need to keep pushing through. I was miserable this morning when I woke up. I missed a few days last week with the holiday, working on organizing my craft room(that's a job in itself), so I knew today, I definitely needed to get there. SO I went, fought through the pain. I love the idea of being able to go even when I'm sick. After I was done, my swimmer's ear had stopped bothering me, the medicine finally worked, and I still had a headache, but I felt amazing.
So I'm one step closer to my goal. I'm one step closer to overcoming those feelings when I don't want to get up and go workout, because I love every minute of the hour. For those who are fighting the same issues I am, while I'm still working on losing weight, I found some amazing clothing designers for plus size women's clothes.
First: And maybe my next post, I'll rant about the sizing chart she uses. It's definitely a little disturbing for me. It's cheap for a great dress too!
http://www.ashleynelltipton.com/
Second:
http://www.swakdesigns.com (Cami pictured is from them)
Super cute clothes from both of these designers!
Phat Fat Chick
She's a brick house
She's mighty mighty
Just lettin' it all hang out
She's a brick house
I like lady's stacked and that's a fact
Ain't holding nothing back
She's a brick house
Well we're together, everybody knows
This is how here's how the story goes
She knows she got everything
A woman needs to get a man, yeah
How can she lose with what she use?
36-24-36, what a winning hand
'Cause he's a brick house
She's mighty mighty
Just lettin' it all hang out
She's a brick house
I like lady's stacked and that's a fact
Ain't holding nothing back
She's a brick house
Yeah, she's the one, the only one
Built like an Amazon
The clothes she wears, the sexy ways
Make an old man wish for younger days, yeah
She knows she's built and knows how to please
Sure enough to knock a strong man to his knees
'Cause she's a brick house
Yeah, she's mighty mighty
Just lettin' it all hang out
Brick house
I like lady's stacked and that's a fact
Ain't holding nothing back
Shake it down, shake it down now
Shake it down, shake it down now
Shake it down, shake it down now
Shake it down, shake it down
Shake it down, shake it down now
Shake it down, shake it down now
Shake it down, shake it down now
Shake it down now
Brick house
Yeah, she's mighty mighty
Just lettin' it all hang out
Brick house
Yeah, she's the one, the only one
Built like an Amazon, yeah
Shake it down, shake it down, shake it down now
Shake it down, shake it down, shake it down now
Shake it down, shake it down, shake it down now
Shake it down, shake it down, shake it, shake it
Shake it down, shake it down, shake it down now
Shake it down, shake it down, shake it down now
Shake it down, shake it down, shake it down now
Shake it down, shake it down, shake it
I want a brick house
She's mighty mighty
Just lettin' it all hang out
She's a brick house
I like lady's stacked and that's a fact
Ain't holding nothing back
She's a brick house
Well we're together, everybody knows
This is how here's how the story goes
She knows she got everything
A woman needs to get a man, yeah
How can she lose with what she use?
36-24-36, what a winning hand
'Cause he's a brick house
She's mighty mighty
Just lettin' it all hang out
She's a brick house
I like lady's stacked and that's a fact
Ain't holding nothing back
She's a brick house
Yeah, she's the one, the only one
Built like an Amazon
The clothes she wears, the sexy ways
Make an old man wish for younger days, yeah
She knows she's built and knows how to please
Sure enough to knock a strong man to his knees
'Cause she's a brick house
Yeah, she's mighty mighty
Just lettin' it all hang out
Brick house
I like lady's stacked and that's a fact
Ain't holding nothing back
Shake it down, shake it down now
Shake it down, shake it down now
Shake it down, shake it down now
Shake it down, shake it down
Shake it down, shake it down now
Shake it down, shake it down now
Shake it down, shake it down now
Shake it down now
Brick house
Yeah, she's mighty mighty
Just lettin' it all hang out
Brick house
Yeah, she's the one, the only one
Built like an Amazon, yeah
Shake it down, shake it down, shake it down now
Shake it down, shake it down, shake it down now
Shake it down, shake it down, shake it down now
Shake it down, shake it down, shake it, shake it
Shake it down, shake it down, shake it down now
Shake it down, shake it down, shake it down now
Shake it down, shake it down, shake it down now
Shake it down, shake it down, shake it
I want a brick house
Read more at http://www.songlyrics.com/the-commodores/brick-house-lyrics/#mTaB3QKAOSwKC58R.99
She's a brick house
She's mighty mighty
Just lettin' it all hang out
She's a brick house
I like lady's stacked and that's a fact
Ain't holding nothing back
She's a brick house
Well we're together, everybody knows
This is how here's how the story goes
She knows she got everything
A woman needs to get a man, yeah
How can she lose with what she use?
36-24-36, what a winning hand
'Cause he's a brick house
She's mighty mighty
Just lettin' it all hang out
She's a brick house
I like lady's stacked and that's a fact
Ain't holding nothing back
She's a brick house
Yeah, she's the one, the only one
Built like an Amazon
The clothes she wears, the sexy ways
Make an old man wish for younger days, yeah
She knows she's built and knows how to please
Sure enough to knock a strong man to his knees
'Cause she's a brick house
Yeah, she's mighty mighty
Just lettin' it all hang out
Brick house
I like lady's stacked and that's a fact
Ain't holding nothing back
Shake it down, shake it down now
Shake it down, shake it down now
Shake it down, shake it down now
Shake it down, shake it down
Shake it down, shake it down now
Shake it down, shake it down now
Shake it down, shake it down now
Shake it down now
Brick house
Yeah, she's mighty mighty
Just lettin' it all hang out
Brick house
Yeah, she's the one, the only one
Built like an Amazon, yeah
Shake it down, shake it down, shake it down now
Shake it down, shake it down, shake it down now
Shake it down, shake it down, shake it down now
Shake it down, shake it down, shake it, shake it
Shake it down, shake it down, shake it down now
Shake it down, shake it down, shake it down now
Shake it down, shake it down, shake it down now
Shake it down, shake it down, shake it
I want a brick house
She's mighty mighty
Just lettin' it all hang out
She's a brick house
I like lady's stacked and that's a fact
Ain't holding nothing back
She's a brick house
Well we're together, everybody knows
This is how here's how the story goes
She knows she got everything
A woman needs to get a man, yeah
How can she lose with what she use?
36-24-36, what a winning hand
'Cause he's a brick house
She's mighty mighty
Just lettin' it all hang out
She's a brick house
I like lady's stacked and that's a fact
Ain't holding nothing back
She's a brick house
Yeah, she's the one, the only one
Built like an Amazon
The clothes she wears, the sexy ways
Make an old man wish for younger days, yeah
She knows she's built and knows how to please
Sure enough to knock a strong man to his knees
'Cause she's a brick house
Yeah, she's mighty mighty
Just lettin' it all hang out
Brick house
I like lady's stacked and that's a fact
Ain't holding nothing back
Shake it down, shake it down now
Shake it down, shake it down now
Shake it down, shake it down now
Shake it down, shake it down
Shake it down, shake it down now
Shake it down, shake it down now
Shake it down, shake it down now
Shake it down now
Brick house
Yeah, she's mighty mighty
Just lettin' it all hang out
Brick house
Yeah, she's the one, the only one
Built like an Amazon, yeah
Shake it down, shake it down, shake it down now
Shake it down, shake it down, shake it down now
Shake it down, shake it down, shake it down now
Shake it down, shake it down, shake it, shake it
Shake it down, shake it down, shake it down now
Shake it down, shake it down, shake it down now
Shake it down, shake it down, shake it down now
Shake it down, shake it down, shake it
I want a brick house
Read more at http://www.songlyrics.com/the-commodores/brick-house-lyrics/#mTaB3QKAOSwKC58R.99
She's a brick house
She's mighty mighty
Just lettin' it all hang out
She's a brick house
I like lady's stacked and that's a fact
Ain't holding nothing back
She's a brick house
Well we're together, everybody knows
This is how here's how the story goes
She knows she got everything
A woman needs to get a man, yeah
How can she lose with what she use?
36-24-36, what a winning hand
'Cause he's a brick house
She's mighty mighty
Just lettin' it all hang out
She's a brick house
I like lady's stacked and that's a fact
Ain't holding nothing back
She's a brick house
Yeah, she's the one, the only one
Built like an Amazon
The clothes she wears, the sexy ways
Make an old man wish for younger days, yeah
She knows she's built and knows how to please
Sure enough to knock a strong man to his knees
'Cause she's a brick house
Yeah, she's mighty mighty
Just lettin' it all hang out
Brick house
I like lady's stacked and that's a fact
Ain't holding nothing back
Shake it down, shake it down now
Shake it down, shake it down now
Shake it down, shake it down now
Shake it down, shake it down
Shake it down, shake it down now
Shake it down, shake it down now
Shake it down, shake it down now
Shake it down now
Brick house
Yeah, she's mighty mighty
Just lettin' it all hang out
Brick house
Yeah, she's the one, the only one
Built like an Amazon, yeah
Shake it down, shake it down, shake it down now
Shake it down, shake it down, shake it down now
Shake it down, shake it down, shake it down now
Shake it down, shake it down, shake it, shake it
Shake it down, shake it down, shake it down now
Shake it down, shake it down, shake it down now
Shake it down, shake it down, shake it down now
Shake it down, shake it down, shake it
I want a brick house
She's mighty mighty
Just lettin' it all hang out
She's a brick house
I like lady's stacked and that's a fact
Ain't holding nothing back
She's a brick house
Well we're together, everybody knows
This is how here's how the story goes
She knows she got everything
A woman needs to get a man, yeah
How can she lose with what she use?
36-24-36, what a winning hand
'Cause he's a brick house
She's mighty mighty
Just lettin' it all hang out
She's a brick house
I like lady's stacked and that's a fact
Ain't holding nothing back
She's a brick house
Yeah, she's the one, the only one
Built like an Amazon
The clothes she wears, the sexy ways
Make an old man wish for younger days, yeah
She knows she's built and knows how to please
Sure enough to knock a strong man to his knees
'Cause she's a brick house
Yeah, she's mighty mighty
Just lettin' it all hang out
Brick house
I like lady's stacked and that's a fact
Ain't holding nothing back
Shake it down, shake it down now
Shake it down, shake it down now
Shake it down, shake it down now
Shake it down, shake it down
Shake it down, shake it down now
Shake it down, shake it down now
Shake it down, shake it down now
Shake it down now
Brick house
Yeah, she's mighty mighty
Just lettin' it all hang out
Brick house
Yeah, she's the one, the only one
Built like an Amazon, yeah
Shake it down, shake it down, shake it down now
Shake it down, shake it down, shake it down now
Shake it down, shake it down, shake it down now
Shake it down, shake it down, shake it, shake it
Shake it down, shake it down, shake it down now
Shake it down, shake it down, shake it down now
Shake it down, shake it down, shake it down now
Shake it down, shake it down, shake it
I want a brick house
Read more at http://www.songlyrics.com/the-commodores/brick-house-lyrics/#mTaB3QKAOSwKC58R.99
She's a brick house
She's mighty mighty
Just lettin' it all hang out
She's a brick house
I like lady's stacked and that's a fact
Ain't holding nothing back
She's a brick house
Well we're together, everybody knows
This is how here's how the story goes
She knows she got everything
A woman needs to get a man, yeah
How can she lose with what she use?
36-24-36, what a winning hand
'Cause he's a brick house
She's mighty mighty
Just lettin' it all hang out
She's a brick house
I like lady's stacked and that's a fact
Ain't holding nothing back
She's a brick house
Yeah, she's the one, the only one
Built like an Amazon
The clothes she wears, the sexy ways
Make an old man wish for younger days, yeah
She knows she's built and knows how to please
Sure enough to knock a strong man to his knees
'Cause she's a brick house
Yeah, she's mighty mighty
Just lettin' it all hang out
Brick house
I like lady's stacked and that's a fact
Ain't holding nothing back
Shake it down, shake it down now
Shake it down, shake it down now
Shake it down, shake it down now
Shake it down, shake it down
Shake it down, shake it down now
Shake it down, shake it down now
Shake it down, shake it down now
Shake it down now
Brick house
Yeah, she's mighty mighty
Just lettin' it all hang out
Brick house
Yeah, she's the one, the only one
Built like an Amazon, yeah
Shake it down, shake it down, shake it down now
Shake it down, shake it down, shake it down now
Shake it down, shake it down, shake it down now
Shake it down, shake it down, shake it, shake it
Shake it down, shake it down, shake it down now
Shake it down, shake it down, shake it down now
Shake it down, shake it down, shake it down now
Shake it down, shake it down, shake it
I want a brick house
She's mighty mighty
Just lettin' it all hang out
She's a brick house
I like lady's stacked and that's a fact
Ain't holding nothing back
She's a brick house
Well we're together, everybody knows
This is how here's how the story goes
She knows she got everything
A woman needs to get a man, yeah
How can she lose with what she use?
36-24-36, what a winning hand
'Cause he's a brick house
She's mighty mighty
Just lettin' it all hang out
She's a brick house
I like lady's stacked and that's a fact
Ain't holding nothing back
She's a brick house
Yeah, she's the one, the only one
Built like an Amazon
The clothes she wears, the sexy ways
Make an old man wish for younger days, yeah
She knows she's built and knows how to please
Sure enough to knock a strong man to his knees
'Cause she's a brick house
Yeah, she's mighty mighty
Just lettin' it all hang out
Brick house
I like lady's stacked and that's a fact
Ain't holding nothing back
Shake it down, shake it down now
Shake it down, shake it down now
Shake it down, shake it down now
Shake it down, shake it down
Shake it down, shake it down now
Shake it down, shake it down now
Shake it down, shake it down now
Shake it down now
Brick house
Yeah, she's mighty mighty
Just lettin' it all hang out
Brick house
Yeah, she's the one, the only one
Built like an Amazon, yeah
Shake it down, shake it down, shake it down now
Shake it down, shake it down, shake it down now
Shake it down, shake it down, shake it down now
Shake it down, shake it down, shake it, shake it
Shake it down, shake it down, shake it down now
Shake it down, shake it down, shake it down now
Shake it down, shake it down, shake it down now
Shake it down, shake it down, shake it
I want a brick house
Read more at http://www.songlyrics.com/the-commodores/brick-house-lyrics/#mTaB3QKAOSwKC58R.99
Friday, May 23, 2014
Beauty comes in all shapes and sizes...
As I've said before, I read a lot of blogs. I saw this picture floating across the internet.
Meet Ajay Rochester. She's formally a skinnier woman. I've read some awful comments about this picture. All completely unjustified. I have mixed feelings about this picture, but negative comments are not worthy of repeating. Some were downright awful.
First before I get any further, let me say, her confidence is amazing. I would never have the self esteem at my size to wear a bikini in public. I just am not there personally. The fact she can, I'm very intrigued and proud of her. And I think she's beautiful. Her personality shines in her confidence and makes her that much more beautiful.
So let's start with the first thing I thought of when I saw this picture...
I love the bathing suit. I personally don't like to be that exposed in my chest area, I don't wear tops that are cut that way for a reason. I feel over exposed and uncomfortable. She's totally rockin' it. It's probably not the most flattering bikini, but she's gettin' it. She's standing up for her right to wear a bikini. There are no laws that say that bigger people can't wear what they want. She's saying "Big is beautiful" and it is. We all need to rely a little more on people's personalities, than their looks. It's the age old saying. We all say to do that, yet all of us at some point have judged someone. It's in our human nature. I am very proud of her courage. She has more than I would, more than a lot of us would.
Ok, now to the next view I had...She's saying it's ok to be "overweight". Don't make that face.
I know it seems a little immature to think that, but she is. She's bigger and she's happy, but is she healthy? I'm happy, I'm bigger, but I'm not healthy. I can sit here and say, I'm fat and proud, I'm not. I'm not healthy. I'm not going to be able to survive at this rate. Diabetes running on both sides of my bloodlines, I'm destined to be a diabetic unless I make changes. I'm destined to have high blood pressure. I'm destined to be a candidate for stroke. That's not healthy. That's not ok. I don't want that life. I don't want to be paralyzed, lose legs, have health issues just because I can't control my eating patterns. I'm thankful for her standing up for fat equality, but I'm also upset that it seems to be a version of acceptance. You shouldn't accept yourself as unhealthy. I don't accept the path I was on. I will not be another stereotypical overweight woman. I will not be a stereotypical anything. I just feel that showing herself unhealthy, isn't helping anyone. If she was healthy, working out every day, and toning her body, eating healthy and couldn't lose weight for health reasons like a thyroid, I'd get it. I just feel saying it's ok to compromise your health for food, is just not the picture we should be sharing with the world.
I know some people may think that I'm missing the point of the picture. I'm not. I get it. I'm thankful a larger woman can show others how beautiful we really are. I'm amazed by her confidence, and her spunk. I think it's amazing a woman like her has the career she does and she is on the fast track to a bigger one. It's amazing. I'm sure she's heard snickers and laughs behind her as she's worn that bikini. I'm sure it's hurtful. I couldn't imagine. So more power to you if you have that thick armadillo skin, I just don't.
Congrats Ajay Rochester. You're doing amazing things. Keep it up.
Phat Fat Chick
Thursday, May 22, 2014
Skinny Shaming...Envy is the beginning of the end...
I heard the song by Christina Perri "I'm only human". Amazing song by the way. I'm only human. It made me think about being myself and how I envy people everyday. How I envy certain people's bodies, or their life. I think we all do at some point in our life. Someone is prettier than we are, someone is skinnier than we are, someone has more money than we do, or a better job. I've always known that envy and jealousy is an awful feeling. It leads to depression, and self destruction.
So what does this have to do with anything? Skinny shaming someone is envy. I'm guilty of this. I'm guilty of looking at someone with an amazing body and feeling like I just need to hand them a donut. It's the same thing as them telling me not to eat a donut. My nephew, he's 16, and he's super skinny, and super athletic. He can eat like a horse and never gain a pound. It makes me sick. I always tell him he needs to eat. I'll joke with him and say eat something. I'm diminishing his self confidence. Just as he would if he called me fat. He'd never say that, he's an awesome man. I'm amazed and blessed to have him in my life. I don't think about it, because I feel like it shouldn't be a big deal for him, because he's skinny. I guess, in my mind, it felt like he shouldn't have low self confidence because he's skinny and a great looking man. I'm just surprised that I haven't thought of it before tonight. He hates having his picture taken, which didn't occur to me, that he has low self esteem and I'm adding fuel to the fire. I'm proud of him and I need to appreciate the man he is, not who I think he should be.
I would never want someone to look at me and say something about my eating habits. It'd be embarrassing, and it'd truly would hurt my feelings. I think I'd cry about it. I'm fragile in the self-esteem area. Envy is a virus. It starts with something small. Maybe it's someone just lost 5 pounds, and I only lost 2. It starts an immediate distaste for yourself. You feel like you're not good enough, you feel lost, you feel like you've done a lot of work for nothing. I've been there. I've been to thousands of classes, like First Place, which I actually did very well with, I just haven't been able to find another group yet. I've been in a room where a woman lost weight and I gained and having to tell them that. Feeling that embarrassment, sadness, & disgust. I hated that feeling, it is a very good motivator for some and some it's a stop sign. An easy way out. Envy leads to destruction.
James 3:16
For where jealousy and selfish ambition exist, there will be disorder and every vile practice.
How true is this? Personally, from my own experience, it's always true. If I force selfish ambition because of something I am jealous of, I'm never successful. I never reach my targeted goal. Which is true with weight loss. If I focus on trying to get a certain person's body, or look like a certain person, that's a selfish ambition from a jealous act. I'm doing it for the right reasons. I should be focused on the reasons of making my body more healthy and active. Not striving for the impossible. I will never look like someone else. It's the beauty of being a creature of God. I will always be me, I can't change who I am to be someone else.
So the next time you look at a skinny person and begin to envy them for their size, or their fashion, and you want to hand them a donut, remember, it's a long path of self destruction. You'll create chaos on your own path. Instead of skinny shaming, think about that envy. Think about the path you're on, and be thankful that you are who you are. I see girls everyday with amazing bodies, and although I don't look like them, and can't dance exactly like them all the time, I'm blessed to know those girls and dance with them.
Phat Fat Chick
So what does this have to do with anything? Skinny shaming someone is envy. I'm guilty of this. I'm guilty of looking at someone with an amazing body and feeling like I just need to hand them a donut. It's the same thing as them telling me not to eat a donut. My nephew, he's 16, and he's super skinny, and super athletic. He can eat like a horse and never gain a pound. It makes me sick. I always tell him he needs to eat. I'll joke with him and say eat something. I'm diminishing his self confidence. Just as he would if he called me fat. He'd never say that, he's an awesome man. I'm amazed and blessed to have him in my life. I don't think about it, because I feel like it shouldn't be a big deal for him, because he's skinny. I guess, in my mind, it felt like he shouldn't have low self confidence because he's skinny and a great looking man. I'm just surprised that I haven't thought of it before tonight. He hates having his picture taken, which didn't occur to me, that he has low self esteem and I'm adding fuel to the fire. I'm proud of him and I need to appreciate the man he is, not who I think he should be.
I would never want someone to look at me and say something about my eating habits. It'd be embarrassing, and it'd truly would hurt my feelings. I think I'd cry about it. I'm fragile in the self-esteem area. Envy is a virus. It starts with something small. Maybe it's someone just lost 5 pounds, and I only lost 2. It starts an immediate distaste for yourself. You feel like you're not good enough, you feel lost, you feel like you've done a lot of work for nothing. I've been there. I've been to thousands of classes, like First Place, which I actually did very well with, I just haven't been able to find another group yet. I've been in a room where a woman lost weight and I gained and having to tell them that. Feeling that embarrassment, sadness, & disgust. I hated that feeling, it is a very good motivator for some and some it's a stop sign. An easy way out. Envy leads to destruction.
James 3:16
For where jealousy and selfish ambition exist, there will be disorder and every vile practice.
How true is this? Personally, from my own experience, it's always true. If I force selfish ambition because of something I am jealous of, I'm never successful. I never reach my targeted goal. Which is true with weight loss. If I focus on trying to get a certain person's body, or look like a certain person, that's a selfish ambition from a jealous act. I'm doing it for the right reasons. I should be focused on the reasons of making my body more healthy and active. Not striving for the impossible. I will never look like someone else. It's the beauty of being a creature of God. I will always be me, I can't change who I am to be someone else.
So the next time you look at a skinny person and begin to envy them for their size, or their fashion, and you want to hand them a donut, remember, it's a long path of self destruction. You'll create chaos on your own path. Instead of skinny shaming, think about that envy. Think about the path you're on, and be thankful that you are who you are. I see girls everyday with amazing bodies, and although I don't look like them, and can't dance exactly like them all the time, I'm blessed to know those girls and dance with them.
Phat Fat Chick
Tuesday, May 20, 2014
The next Disney Princess should be a weight-loss success story...
I know, you read the title and thought, she has lost her cotton pickin' mind. I haven't actually lost my mind. I think that Disney has these amazing girls who look like toothpicks in these extravagant gowns. Usually their life starts out pretty awful, they meet a man and then they live happily ever after.
So why not start with this beautiful princess, who isn't a size 2, maybe a size 22. She goes to the ball in a beautiful gown, meets the man of her dreams, gets married, and then later on loses weight for her personal health! That's not really a fairytale is it?? It's a great story, but it's not a cookie cutter fairytale. Neither is weight loss.
I read a lot of stories about weight loss. It always seems like it's this girl, she's overweight. She's miserable. She magically moves more and eats less over a year or longer period, sometimes less and she's like this super hot babe. Is it really that easy??! No it's not. You can't get off the couch one day, work out and eat less, and lose weight automatically. There's no true weight loss system that will cut your fat off in a day. It takes work. It's about your personal situation and body. Of course you have to work out, and you have to make better food choices. But the recipe for weight loss doesn't stop there. You have to have persistence, dedication, love, and a whole lot of determination. I'm just starting this journey for the last time, and every day, I wake up and it's a struggle.
I wish I was in a fairytale, what girl doesn't. I wish I had a prince charming that swept me off my feet. I don't. I don't believe that I'll ever have a cookie cutter fairytale. God has a bigger and greater direction for me.
I think that so many girls get wrapped up in fairytales and trying to fit their lives in a mold that they miss what's right in front of them. I've been married and divorced. I was that girl. I thought I had to have a man to be me. That couldn't be further from the truth. I'm more me, and more for me now than I ever was.
I will be successful. It may be 2 years down the road before I hit my goal weight. It may be longer. I can't look into a magic ball and tell you. But I can guarantee when I get there, I'll be there on my own. No fancy diets, no "Move more, eat less" mantra, no surgeries, no crap.
I think I had to first be honest with myself. I love sugar. Sugar is like cocaine to someone like me. If I detox my body from it, it makes curving cravings that much easier. I'll never be able to go a day without some type of sugar. I'm from the south. I like Sweet tea. ALOT. I always say I don't like sweets, but I do like things that contain sugar. I think that I will struggle with this addiction forever. I am like an alcoholic, it's a true disease. I've watched documentaries about becoming a vegan or vegetarian. I hate watching those animals die, but I still love my chicken, turkey and pork. I'm sorry. I can't help it.
I can walk into Dunkin' Donuts sometimes and not crave a single thing. I can also walk in there and crave a tray of donuts. I don't actually sit there and eat a tray...Chill out. I just think about that taste of sugar and it's like my personal high. I get excited, I can't wait to bite into it. I'm actually craving one now, writing this. I love the strawberry frosted with sprinkles. When I think about that, and I've actually looked it up, there is a meal worth of calories in one donut. 280 calories. It's crazy. I do splurge. You have too, or you'll splurge after you've lost all your weight and gain weight.
So the purpose of this...Weight loss is not a fairytale. Don't try to fit yourself into a cookie cutter story. We all have a purpose.
Phat Fat Chick
So why not start with this beautiful princess, who isn't a size 2, maybe a size 22. She goes to the ball in a beautiful gown, meets the man of her dreams, gets married, and then later on loses weight for her personal health! That's not really a fairytale is it?? It's a great story, but it's not a cookie cutter fairytale. Neither is weight loss.
I read a lot of stories about weight loss. It always seems like it's this girl, she's overweight. She's miserable. She magically moves more and eats less over a year or longer period, sometimes less and she's like this super hot babe. Is it really that easy??! No it's not. You can't get off the couch one day, work out and eat less, and lose weight automatically. There's no true weight loss system that will cut your fat off in a day. It takes work. It's about your personal situation and body. Of course you have to work out, and you have to make better food choices. But the recipe for weight loss doesn't stop there. You have to have persistence, dedication, love, and a whole lot of determination. I'm just starting this journey for the last time, and every day, I wake up and it's a struggle.
I wish I was in a fairytale, what girl doesn't. I wish I had a prince charming that swept me off my feet. I don't. I don't believe that I'll ever have a cookie cutter fairytale. God has a bigger and greater direction for me.
I think that so many girls get wrapped up in fairytales and trying to fit their lives in a mold that they miss what's right in front of them. I've been married and divorced. I was that girl. I thought I had to have a man to be me. That couldn't be further from the truth. I'm more me, and more for me now than I ever was.
I will be successful. It may be 2 years down the road before I hit my goal weight. It may be longer. I can't look into a magic ball and tell you. But I can guarantee when I get there, I'll be there on my own. No fancy diets, no "Move more, eat less" mantra, no surgeries, no crap.
I think I had to first be honest with myself. I love sugar. Sugar is like cocaine to someone like me. If I detox my body from it, it makes curving cravings that much easier. I'll never be able to go a day without some type of sugar. I'm from the south. I like Sweet tea. ALOT. I always say I don't like sweets, but I do like things that contain sugar. I think that I will struggle with this addiction forever. I am like an alcoholic, it's a true disease. I've watched documentaries about becoming a vegan or vegetarian. I hate watching those animals die, but I still love my chicken, turkey and pork. I'm sorry. I can't help it.
I can walk into Dunkin' Donuts sometimes and not crave a single thing. I can also walk in there and crave a tray of donuts. I don't actually sit there and eat a tray...Chill out. I just think about that taste of sugar and it's like my personal high. I get excited, I can't wait to bite into it. I'm actually craving one now, writing this. I love the strawberry frosted with sprinkles. When I think about that, and I've actually looked it up, there is a meal worth of calories in one donut. 280 calories. It's crazy. I do splurge. You have too, or you'll splurge after you've lost all your weight and gain weight.
So the purpose of this...Weight loss is not a fairytale. Don't try to fit yourself into a cookie cutter story. We all have a purpose.
Phat Fat Chick
Monday, May 19, 2014
DJ Tanner and Vegetables...
I'm a huge Dancing with the Stars fan. I love the show. I love music and I love dancing. That will all come with time, about my new experiences at my new favorite place, Just Dance Roanoke. I truly enjoy certain pro dancers on the show and I just love the costumes.
Incase you're not an avid DTWS watcher, this season, Candace Cameron Bure, was on there with one of my favs, Mark Ballas. Don't know who Candace Cameron Bure is? Yea I didn't recognize the name either at first. She's DJ Tanner from Full House. I loved Full House as a child, such a great show. Anywho, she's now a strong mother and a woman grounded in her faith in God. I admire that about her. It takes a strong woman to stand out from a Hollywood setting and stand in her faith in God. So kudos Candace and I suppose I shouldn't exclude your brother either, he definitely was able to use his previous Hollywood experience to his advantage. Kirk Cameron wrote the book I had to read in my first year Evangelism class at Liberty.
I know, I know, I digress...She just made it to the final 3 tonight. Although her dancing didn't exactly warrant that position, she said something that struck me. She said during her teen years she was chubby. She said she struggled with weight. And thinking back, she's right. She was chubby, in comparison to Kimmy(her best friend) and her tv show sister Stephanie. She was different. Her previous co-star, Lori Loughlin commented on the fact she used to spend time in her dressing room crying over her appearance. Crying because she didn't think she had a future in show business. It's sad. Even in that time, 1987-1995, it was a prevalent issue. I would have thought by the year 2014, that weight would have slid to a back burner. I thought we would have evolved, but I honestly think we're backsliding.
I've been that girl crying. Not because I wasn't going to be on a hit tv show. I would have never done that. I was petrified to ask for ketchup at a restaurant, my family still makes jokes about that. I was super shy. I did cry because I was awkward. I remember in the 6th grade, I wore boys jeans because I was embarrassed that I couldn't wear little girls clothes anymore and I was already headed into the bigger sized women's clothes. I remember going to a school with kids that weren't like me. They're parents made more money than mine, and I didn't have the "Ralph Lauren" dresses, and I couldn't walk into a girly store and buy whatever I wanted. Don't get me wrong, my parents gave me everything. I was spoiled. I just never had the luxury of being the "in" crowd. Even when I went to another school in 7th & 8th grade. I wasn't in the cool crowd. Not many people knew my name. I was chubby, and shy. What a horrible combination. I was miserable. I cried a lot. I cried because I knew, rather it was true or not, that kids didn't want to play with me or pick me in gym class because I was fat. I wasn't cute. I was super awkward. I understand how she feels.
So I'm fist pumping in the air for all of those DJ Tanner's in the world. We'll get there girls. Hold on tight, it's going to be a bumpy ride!!
And before I get any further, I'm not skinny shaming anyone either. I know some would read these posts and feel like I'm attacking every skinny person, I'm not. It's awesome if God blessed you with a great metabolism, or just a rockin' body. I just wasn't blessed in that way. And I'm thankful for that too. I have to work for my goal of weight loss. I always found that things I had to work for, they meant more to me. So me working for my goal, makes it that much more important.
Everyone's body is different. Some people can eat like a horse, and not gain a pound. I can eat a piece of cake, and gain 20. All in my stomach. I have a food addiction. I have a sugar addiction. I'm in the process of detox, and it ain't easy. I love potato chips, I love jelly beans, I love ice cream, I love bread, and butter, and I even love vegetables. With a side of ranch.
I actually do love vegetables. I love carrots, broccoli, squash, zucchini, radishes, onions, tomatoes, eggplant, lettuce(on occasion, if you see me make a salad, it's usually without lettuce), cucumbers, peppers. I love a lot of things. I could eat most of these things and in the past 6 months, I've learned a lot more about these vegetables. I've learned how to cook them and how to try things. My mom is a picky eater. She would never fix something she didn't like. Why fix two meals? So I never tried a lot of different things. I've been blessed by finding out some great information through the VA Cooperative Extension. They have classes on food prep, serving and eating. Who doesn't like to eat? I've expanded my knowledge in so many ways through their programs at the Roanoke Libraries. If you're interested, just send me an email and I can get you the list of dates for them.
I enjoy cooking. I'm becoming a cookbook-aholic. I love experimenting. I love taking unique foods and mixing them. I have found I love turkey and chicken and not so much beef and pork. I'm learning a new side of me. I like her. She's super cool, and super handy in the kitchen.
With this new side of me, she wants to cook healthier food, which is more expensive. I know, it's backwards. The junk is so mass produced, it's cheaper now. So I decided to start a garden. I decided to raise chickens. I'm a serious farm girl. What?! Who knew? I've planted cucumbers, peppers, squash, zucchini, tomatoes, green onions, snap peas, and some herbs: Rosemary, Sage, Oregano, Parsley and Lemon Basil. I just planted them about 2 weeks ago. I do have some pictures to share of my flourishing garden though, and I'll share a picture of my girls, (Gatsby, Buchannan, Wilson, Myrtle, Daisy, and Carraway) I'm a huge Gatsby fan. The book, and old movie. I haven't seen the new one.
If you don't have the time to plant or raise little munchkins, there is always great places to get fresh vegetables in the summer. Farmer's Markets are everywhere this time of year. Don't worry, I'll share a lot of those, just in another post. Until then, do some research. Find out who sells at the market and how close they are to you. Always try to buy local. And vegetables and fruits are freezable.
Fist pump it.
Phat Fat Chick.
Incase you're not an avid DTWS watcher, this season, Candace Cameron Bure, was on there with one of my favs, Mark Ballas. Don't know who Candace Cameron Bure is? Yea I didn't recognize the name either at first. She's DJ Tanner from Full House. I loved Full House as a child, such a great show. Anywho, she's now a strong mother and a woman grounded in her faith in God. I admire that about her. It takes a strong woman to stand out from a Hollywood setting and stand in her faith in God. So kudos Candace and I suppose I shouldn't exclude your brother either, he definitely was able to use his previous Hollywood experience to his advantage. Kirk Cameron wrote the book I had to read in my first year Evangelism class at Liberty.
I know, I know, I digress...She just made it to the final 3 tonight. Although her dancing didn't exactly warrant that position, she said something that struck me. She said during her teen years she was chubby. She said she struggled with weight. And thinking back, she's right. She was chubby, in comparison to Kimmy(her best friend) and her tv show sister Stephanie. She was different. Her previous co-star, Lori Loughlin commented on the fact she used to spend time in her dressing room crying over her appearance. Crying because she didn't think she had a future in show business. It's sad. Even in that time, 1987-1995, it was a prevalent issue. I would have thought by the year 2014, that weight would have slid to a back burner. I thought we would have evolved, but I honestly think we're backsliding.
I've been that girl crying. Not because I wasn't going to be on a hit tv show. I would have never done that. I was petrified to ask for ketchup at a restaurant, my family still makes jokes about that. I was super shy. I did cry because I was awkward. I remember in the 6th grade, I wore boys jeans because I was embarrassed that I couldn't wear little girls clothes anymore and I was already headed into the bigger sized women's clothes. I remember going to a school with kids that weren't like me. They're parents made more money than mine, and I didn't have the "Ralph Lauren" dresses, and I couldn't walk into a girly store and buy whatever I wanted. Don't get me wrong, my parents gave me everything. I was spoiled. I just never had the luxury of being the "in" crowd. Even when I went to another school in 7th & 8th grade. I wasn't in the cool crowd. Not many people knew my name. I was chubby, and shy. What a horrible combination. I was miserable. I cried a lot. I cried because I knew, rather it was true or not, that kids didn't want to play with me or pick me in gym class because I was fat. I wasn't cute. I was super awkward. I understand how she feels.
So I'm fist pumping in the air for all of those DJ Tanner's in the world. We'll get there girls. Hold on tight, it's going to be a bumpy ride!!
And before I get any further, I'm not skinny shaming anyone either. I know some would read these posts and feel like I'm attacking every skinny person, I'm not. It's awesome if God blessed you with a great metabolism, or just a rockin' body. I just wasn't blessed in that way. And I'm thankful for that too. I have to work for my goal of weight loss. I always found that things I had to work for, they meant more to me. So me working for my goal, makes it that much more important.
Everyone's body is different. Some people can eat like a horse, and not gain a pound. I can eat a piece of cake, and gain 20. All in my stomach. I have a food addiction. I have a sugar addiction. I'm in the process of detox, and it ain't easy. I love potato chips, I love jelly beans, I love ice cream, I love bread, and butter, and I even love vegetables. With a side of ranch.
I actually do love vegetables. I love carrots, broccoli, squash, zucchini, radishes, onions, tomatoes, eggplant, lettuce(on occasion, if you see me make a salad, it's usually without lettuce), cucumbers, peppers. I love a lot of things. I could eat most of these things and in the past 6 months, I've learned a lot more about these vegetables. I've learned how to cook them and how to try things. My mom is a picky eater. She would never fix something she didn't like. Why fix two meals? So I never tried a lot of different things. I've been blessed by finding out some great information through the VA Cooperative Extension. They have classes on food prep, serving and eating. Who doesn't like to eat? I've expanded my knowledge in so many ways through their programs at the Roanoke Libraries. If you're interested, just send me an email and I can get you the list of dates for them.
I enjoy cooking. I'm becoming a cookbook-aholic. I love experimenting. I love taking unique foods and mixing them. I have found I love turkey and chicken and not so much beef and pork. I'm learning a new side of me. I like her. She's super cool, and super handy in the kitchen.
With this new side of me, she wants to cook healthier food, which is more expensive. I know, it's backwards. The junk is so mass produced, it's cheaper now. So I decided to start a garden. I decided to raise chickens. I'm a serious farm girl. What?! Who knew? I've planted cucumbers, peppers, squash, zucchini, tomatoes, green onions, snap peas, and some herbs: Rosemary, Sage, Oregano, Parsley and Lemon Basil. I just planted them about 2 weeks ago. I do have some pictures to share of my flourishing garden though, and I'll share a picture of my girls, (Gatsby, Buchannan, Wilson, Myrtle, Daisy, and Carraway) I'm a huge Gatsby fan. The book, and old movie. I haven't seen the new one.
Fist pump it.
Phat Fat Chick.
Sunday, May 18, 2014
Eh...It's tough being phat....
First let me say...Any negative comments you wish to make after reading this....Keep them to yourself. Remember Thumper always says: "If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all"
I decided I wanted to start a blog. Yea, who doesn't these days? I've tried it before, and I never can seem to keep it up. I always get so busy in the hustle and bustle of the normal days. So this blog will be my safe haven...Yea it's the internet, so don't take naked pictures or share too much, I know. I want to be vulnerable, and I want to share more of myself, so maybe someone whose struggled like I have can breathe a little sigh of relief and know their not alone.
First off, I named the blog Phat Fat Chick for a reason. Obviously, I'm super awesome, hence "Phat". I just started raising chickens and I'm a girl, hence "Chick". You get it? Oh yea, and I'm "Fat". At least according to every doctor, weight loss guru, and any other person who thinks it's normal to be a size 0. I'm not skinny. I never have been. My entire life has been surrounded by food, and I love food. SO I'll own up to the description that most people would label me with.
So why write a blog and tell you I'm fat? I've started this journey to a physically better me. It's not a diet, I hate that word. It's a true journey. I have tried to start this journey a hundred times before. I've never made it to the end, I don't think there's ever an end, but that's down the road. So I'm hoping this time will be the last time I start it. I've started eating healthy and working out at least 5 days a week.
I decided that I was tired of being overweight. I'm tired of those looks I get when people see me, like I have the plague and it's contagious. I'm tired of shopping in the "plus" size section like I have so much more than normal people, it had to be labeled. I'm tired of looking in the mirror and hating what I see. I am tired of seeing pictures of myself and thinking, "Goodness, where did the Godzilla like girl come from??" I just want to be a better me. A physically better me.
Do I think I'll be so much more attractive with my weight cut down?
Honestly, yes and no. I can't change my personality, and I can't change the way people will see me. What I'd like is to not be ashamed of myself at the weight I'm at. I can't do a lot of things that I'd love to do. It's about my personal goal. I feel defeated sometimes. And I know a lot of people would say if you don't love yourself now, you won't love yourself 100 pounds lighter. Honestly, those people are people who have never had a weight issue. If you have never peaked over 200 pounds as a woman, even at 200 pounds, you don't know. I know there are people who are bullied every single day, for things they can't change. I'm not diminishing their issues. I'm simply saying that being fat, at any age is uncool. It's an awful feeling when people won't be your friends because you don't fit into their mold. Of course I shouldn't change myself for other people, and I'm not, I'm changing for me. I'm changing to make me feel better health wise and feel better about myself.
Speaking of those who act like they know what it's like to be fat....Ask yourself these simple questions:
1. Have you ever been to a store, have to go to a specific section of the store that either says "Women's Plus, Plus Sizes, or something to insinuate your fat" and have to pay more for the apparent need for more fabric???
Phat Fat Chick
I decided I wanted to start a blog. Yea, who doesn't these days? I've tried it before, and I never can seem to keep it up. I always get so busy in the hustle and bustle of the normal days. So this blog will be my safe haven...Yea it's the internet, so don't take naked pictures or share too much, I know. I want to be vulnerable, and I want to share more of myself, so maybe someone whose struggled like I have can breathe a little sigh of relief and know their not alone.
First off, I named the blog Phat Fat Chick for a reason. Obviously, I'm super awesome, hence "Phat". I just started raising chickens and I'm a girl, hence "Chick". You get it? Oh yea, and I'm "Fat". At least according to every doctor, weight loss guru, and any other person who thinks it's normal to be a size 0. I'm not skinny. I never have been. My entire life has been surrounded by food, and I love food. SO I'll own up to the description that most people would label me with.
So why write a blog and tell you I'm fat? I've started this journey to a physically better me. It's not a diet, I hate that word. It's a true journey. I have tried to start this journey a hundred times before. I've never made it to the end, I don't think there's ever an end, but that's down the road. So I'm hoping this time will be the last time I start it. I've started eating healthy and working out at least 5 days a week.
I decided that I was tired of being overweight. I'm tired of those looks I get when people see me, like I have the plague and it's contagious. I'm tired of shopping in the "plus" size section like I have so much more than normal people, it had to be labeled. I'm tired of looking in the mirror and hating what I see. I am tired of seeing pictures of myself and thinking, "Goodness, where did the Godzilla like girl come from??" I just want to be a better me. A physically better me.
Do I think I'll be so much more attractive with my weight cut down?
Honestly, yes and no. I can't change my personality, and I can't change the way people will see me. What I'd like is to not be ashamed of myself at the weight I'm at. I can't do a lot of things that I'd love to do. It's about my personal goal. I feel defeated sometimes. And I know a lot of people would say if you don't love yourself now, you won't love yourself 100 pounds lighter. Honestly, those people are people who have never had a weight issue. If you have never peaked over 200 pounds as a woman, even at 200 pounds, you don't know. I know there are people who are bullied every single day, for things they can't change. I'm not diminishing their issues. I'm simply saying that being fat, at any age is uncool. It's an awful feeling when people won't be your friends because you don't fit into their mold. Of course I shouldn't change myself for other people, and I'm not, I'm changing for me. I'm changing to make me feel better health wise and feel better about myself.
Speaking of those who act like they know what it's like to be fat....Ask yourself these simple questions:
1. Have you ever been to a store, have to go to a specific section of the store that either says "Women's Plus, Plus Sizes, or something to insinuate your fat" and have to pay more for the apparent need for more fabric???
- If you haven't experienced this, you have no idea. It's a painful thing for me to shop. It's like clothing manufactures think all "fat" people are 4 ft tall and 350 pounds. I'm 5'9. And "Plus" size clothes are always too short, or cut some outrageous style to make it obvious we had to buy fat people pants. They're never the same design as those in the "Missy" section. It's awful. I love Gap. I could live in their clothes, because they know that fat people are people too, all of their clothes look the same, no size design differential.
- It's a silly thing. I shouldn't worry about what others think, and you can say you don't, but deep down, we all worry about that silly stuff eventually. If a person orders a dessert and has finished their whole plate and their overweight, what would cross your mind?? Mine, maybe they didn't eat lunch, or they're just hungry. It's their body. I've heard people talk about others before. Saying that she shouldn't eat a dessert or another bite, it's obvious she's eaten a few too many bites and few too many desserts. It's heartbreaking. I hate when people watch me eat. It freaks me out. I don't like to feel judgment about food. I'm self conscious and I'm very well aware of my food intake.
- I guess this is something that comes from being a kid. Kids are mean. Kids say mean things sometimes and make comments about things that are different. I grew up to a lot of ridicule, because my clothes were bigger, and I didn't get to wear the same thing those girls did. I remember buying my clothes in specific stores, which we'll get too in another post on another day. Everytime I hear a whisper behind me, I twinge thinking it's about me.
Phat Fat Chick
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