Eh...It's tough being phat....

First let me say...Any negative comments you wish to make after reading this....Keep them to yourself.  Remember Thumper always says: "If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all"


I decided I wanted to start a blog.  Yea, who doesn't these days?  I've tried it before, and I never can seem to keep it up.  I always get so busy in the hustle and bustle of the normal days.  So this blog will be my safe haven...Yea it's the internet, so don't take naked pictures or share too much, I know.  I want to be vulnerable, and I want to share more of myself, so maybe someone whose struggled like I have can breathe a little sigh of relief and know their not alone. 

First off, I named the blog Phat Fat Chick for a reason.  Obviously, I'm super awesome, hence "Phat".  I just started raising chickens and I'm a girl, hence "Chick". You get it?  Oh yea, and I'm "Fat". At least according to every doctor, weight loss guru, and any other person who thinks it's normal to be a size 0.  I'm not skinny. I never have been.  My entire life has been surrounded by food, and I love food.  SO I'll own up to the description that most people would label me with.

So why write a blog and tell you I'm fat?  I've started this journey to a physically better me.  It's not a diet, I hate that word. It's a true journey.  I have tried to start this journey a hundred times before.  I've never made it to the end, I don't think there's ever an end, but that's down the road. So I'm hoping this time will be the last time I start it.  I've started eating healthy and working out at least 5 days a week.

I decided that I was tired of being overweight.  I'm tired of those looks I get when people see me, like I have the plague and it's contagious.  I'm tired of shopping in the "plus" size section like I have so much more than normal people, it had to be labeled.  I'm tired of looking in the mirror and hating what I see.  I am tired of seeing pictures of myself and thinking, "Goodness, where did the Godzilla like girl come from??"  I just want to be a better me.  A physically better me. 

Do I think I'll be so much more attractive with my weight cut down?
Honestly, yes and no.  I can't change my personality, and I can't change the way people will see me.  What I'd like is to not be ashamed of myself at the weight I'm at.  I can't do a lot of things that I'd love to do.  It's about my personal goal. I feel defeated sometimes. And I know a lot of people would say if you don't love yourself now, you won't love yourself 100 pounds lighter. Honestly, those people are people who have never had a weight issue.  If you have never peaked over 200 pounds as a woman, even at 200 pounds, you don't know.  I know there are people who are bullied every single day, for things they can't change.  I'm not diminishing their issues. I'm simply saying that being fat, at any age is uncool.  It's an awful feeling when people won't be your friends because you don't fit into their mold.  Of course I shouldn't change myself for other people, and I'm not, I'm changing for me.  I'm changing to make me feel better health wise and feel better about myself. 

Speaking of those who act like they know what it's like to be fat....Ask yourself these simple questions:

1. Have you ever been to a store, have to go to a specific section of the store that either says "Women's Plus, Plus Sizes, or something to insinuate your fat" and have to pay more for the apparent need for more fabric???

• If you haven't experienced this, you have no idea.  It's a painful thing for me to shop.  It's like clothing manufactures think all "fat" people are 4 ft tall and 350 pounds.  I'm 5'9.  And "Plus" size clothes are always too short, or cut some outrageous style to make it obvious we had to buy fat people pants.  They're never the same design as those in the "Missy" section.  It's awful.  I love Gap.  I could live in their clothes, because they know that fat people are people too, all of their clothes look the same, no size design differential.

2. Have you ever been eating in a restaurant, and when you go to eat a bite, feel like the whole restaurant is condemning you? 

• It's a silly thing. I shouldn't worry about what others think, and you can say you don't, but deep down, we all worry about that silly stuff eventually. If a person orders a dessert and has finished their whole plate and their overweight, what would cross your mind??  Mine, maybe they didn't eat lunch, or they're just hungry. It's their body.  I've heard people talk about others before.  Saying that she shouldn't eat a dessert or another bite, it's obvious she's eaten a few too many bites and few too many desserts.  It's heartbreaking.  I hate when people watch me eat. It freaks me out.  I don't like to feel judgment about food. I'm self conscious and I'm very well aware of my food intake.

3. Have you heard whispers behind you when you're walking and automatically think someone is making fun of your size?

• I guess this is something that comes from being a kid.  Kids are mean.  Kids say mean things sometimes and make comments about things that are different.  I grew up to a lot of ridicule, because my clothes were bigger, and I didn't get to wear the same thing those girls did.  I remember buying my clothes in specific stores, which we'll get too in another post on another day.  Everytime I hear a whisper behind me, I twinge thinking it's about me.

This is not a pitty party.  I don't want sympathy.  What I want, is to help others.  I'm good at talking, I'm good at sharing, when someone wants to listen.  So as I move forward on this journey of steps forward and slides backwards, I want to guide others to the same path. Here's to a successful year.

Phat Fat Chick