I heard the song by Christina Perri "I'm only human". Amazing song by the way. I'm only human. It made me think about being myself and how I envy people everyday. How I envy certain people's bodies, or their life. I think we all do at some point in our life. Someone is prettier than we are, someone is skinnier than we are, someone has more money than we do, or a better job. I've always known that envy and jealousy is an awful feeling. It leads to depression, and self destruction.
So what does this have to do with anything? Skinny shaming someone is envy. I'm guilty of this. I'm guilty of looking at someone with an amazing body and feeling like I just need to hand them a donut. It's the same thing as them telling me not to eat a donut. My nephew, he's 16, and he's super skinny, and super athletic. He can eat like a horse and never gain a pound. It makes me sick. I always tell him he needs to eat. I'll joke with him and say eat something. I'm diminishing his self confidence. Just as he would if he called me fat. He'd never say that, he's an awesome man. I'm amazed and blessed to have him in my life. I don't think about it, because I feel like it shouldn't be a big deal for him, because he's skinny. I guess, in my mind, it felt like he shouldn't have low self confidence because he's skinny and a great looking man. I'm just surprised that I haven't thought of it before tonight. He hates having his picture taken, which didn't occur to me, that he has low self esteem and I'm adding fuel to the fire. I'm proud of him and I need to appreciate the man he is, not who I think he should be.
I would never want someone to look at me and say something about my eating habits. It'd be embarrassing, and it'd truly would hurt my feelings. I think I'd cry about it. I'm fragile in the self-esteem area. Envy is a virus. It starts with something small. Maybe it's someone just lost 5 pounds, and I only lost 2. It starts an immediate distaste for yourself. You feel like you're not good enough, you feel lost, you feel like you've done a lot of work for nothing. I've been there. I've been to thousands of classes, like First Place, which I actually did very well with, I just haven't been able to find another group yet. I've been in a room where a woman lost weight and I gained and having to tell them that. Feeling that embarrassment, sadness, & disgust. I hated that feeling, it is a very good motivator for some and some it's a stop sign. An easy way out. Envy leads to destruction.
James 3:16
For where jealousy and selfish ambition exist, there will be disorder and every vile practice.
How true is this? Personally, from my own experience, it's always true. If I force selfish ambition because of something I am jealous of, I'm never successful. I never reach my targeted goal. Which is true with weight loss. If I focus on trying to get a certain person's body, or look like a certain person, that's a selfish ambition from a jealous act. I'm doing it for the right reasons. I should be focused on the reasons of making my body more healthy and active. Not striving for the impossible. I will never look like someone else. It's the beauty of being a creature of God. I will always be me, I can't change who I am to be someone else.
So the next time you look at a skinny person and begin to envy them for their size, or their fashion, and you want to hand them a donut, remember, it's a long path of self destruction. You'll create chaos on your own path. Instead of skinny shaming, think about that envy. Think about the path you're on, and be thankful that you are who you are. I see girls everyday with amazing bodies, and although I don't look like them, and can't dance exactly like them all the time, I'm blessed to know those girls and dance with them.
Phat Fat Chick
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