Ok, I lied. I apologize. I didn't mean to miss two days on writing. Technically 3, since I didn't write the other day on what I should write about. I have been super busy. We've been preparing for a yard sale, and I have been cleaning like a mad person. I have neglected a lot lately. I feel like I've been ignoring everything. So I can't make a promise I won't miss days, we're about to start a remodeling project on a bedroom, build a chicken coop and some other renovations. SO I can't guarantee. ;-)
Ok, so I said we were planning a yard sale. I went through my clothes, and luckily I had some that were now to big. SO I was able to get rid of some of them. It's always a nice feeling to get rid of clothes that are too big. It's better than having to get rid of them because they're too small. Honestly, this week, missing dance, I feel like I've gained a few pounds. It could just be in my head too. Since I'm against a scale right now, there's no way to verify my accusations against myself. I put the clothes out, and I watched people all day. I got a little sunburnt, but thankfully, it'll add nicely to my tan.
I watched people all day. Before I get into this whole story, let me tell you about this lady that stole from me. No I didn't chase her down like a criminal, I think I'll just say an extra prayer for her tonight, because obviously she's having a hard time or definitely may have a mental problem. Ok, so I had about 20-30 paper lanterns. Giant ones. I was planning on selling them for like .50 cents. I look over and a lady is looking at one, she picks it up and walks to the other side of the yard where the other things are. I see her look over at me, and then walk away. Walked straight down the street with it in her hands. I didn't say a word. If she felt she needed to take such a small thing and not pay for it, either she's having a really hard time and can't afford 50 cents, or she's mentally unstable. So what else can you do? She'll pay for that mistake eventually. She may never realize it, but she will. So she needs a little forgiveness.
I was watching other people and I noticed that women, close to my size, think they are too small for my clothes. And I thought about it, do they really think they are smaller than I am or are they embarrassed to shop on a plus size rack?? I watched women all day. I watched them pick up things and make remarks like they're too big or I'm too small for that. Maybe it's their perception of themselves. Maybe they have an idea of what they look like in their mind and reality can't shake that?? It's not my place to judge someone's size, but when clothes range in certain sizes from my mom and myself, it seems like they may be perceiving themselves as a different size than they actually are.
I've been in this mind frame. I still can be at times. I've looked at myself in the mirror and couldn't understand why I wear the size I do. I've felt like I am smaller than I am. I've looked at clothes and thought they would fit me, or maybe be a little baggy, and when I get home I've found out they didn't fit. Clothes are hard to decipher and it's hard to figure out if they'll fit. I get that. I just think that sometimes women are wearing clothes that are a little too tight, because they're scared of the awful number game.
I'm always afraid of the game myself. It shouldn't matter but it does. I'm always afraid of going up that dreadful size. One number up, and it makes me paranoid. I freak out when I see the difference in numbers. Some clothes are cut smaller and you need a bigger size. I hate that. When I bought my wedding dress, I about died when I had to get a size that was about 3 sizes bigger. The ones in my size fit a little tight, but I just wanted it to be perfect and those weren't perfect. I wanted to be able to breathe. When that number kept having to go up, I thought I'd pass out. It was a miserable feeling.
When I went to buy bigger clothes, it's a miserable feeling. It's a game you play with yourself to see who wins. It's never me. At least it hasn't been me. I'm hoping I never have to buy bigger clothes again. I'm never playing again. It's like a game in Vegas where all the odds are against you. House always wins. Not this time. It won't be a losers game for me, at least not a losers game in the way that I'm the one who gains weight. I will be the winner and loser of weight.
So to help those on the same track, hopefully starting tomorrow, I'll be able to share some recipes with you. I found an old recipe book that worked for my mom when she went from like an 18 to an 8. So check back tomorrow. Thanks for reading.
Phat Fat Chick
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